Post by radaeron on May 15, 2006 11:55:57 GMT -5
Hmm. Hope you'll forgive me for venting a little bit more.
So I didn't really want to answer her about staying friends over the weekend. Because I wanted to see if I could be around her without feeling like crap.
Saw her today. She saw me, but I think she would've kept walking if I hadn't called her over.[Don't ask me why I did. And I can only guess she would've kept walking is because she left it up to me if we were friends.] Immediately I'd noticed her hair.. she had it down again [and I adore it like that..] but I didn't say anything, cause I thought she might think I'm still 'over heels' as it were for her.
Even though I wanted to talk to her I still felt a little awkward. But the end result I came to was that.. if I can't be with her the way I want, that doesn't mean I just want to cut her out completely.
It was just stupid smalltalk we had. Nothing big. I'm no good at even slightly-important discussions with people. I just wanted to see, as above, if I could deal.
So later I was in my math class, and we did nothing for the first half hour, so I was just making notes and having another thought train.
It wasn't such an upbeat train though. I started off where I usually do.
"You can only know yourself. Trust that person"
"You can't truly know anyone else. So how can we trust them?"
But we do of course need social interaction.. So does that = this?
"Necessary, but leaves us vulnerable."
So I suppose it makes it important to be able to read people [which I'm semi-okay at doing, if I'm not clouded by my own thoughts]
But... in that way.. because I can't trust anyone else, surely that leads me down a road where I can only ever trust myself, and have to be entirely independant and never consider asking for help?
Ah I don't know.. Either way though, we have to work our feelings out, with our own outlets. Mine are of course, making notes, thinking about it, and talking/sharing it to people [mainly you guys.]
*Shrugs*
I sent her a message a while ago.. Basically told her I guess I'd want to be friends. And that I didn't say anything earlier because I felt abit awkward.
Also asked if she could keep this whole thing between us. Somehow I imagine it won't be, but if I can at least get by without overhearing it from anyone then I'm happy. After all. Ignorance is bliss.
I just wish I knew the next steps..
So I didn't really want to answer her about staying friends over the weekend. Because I wanted to see if I could be around her without feeling like crap.
Saw her today. She saw me, but I think she would've kept walking if I hadn't called her over.[Don't ask me why I did. And I can only guess she would've kept walking is because she left it up to me if we were friends.] Immediately I'd noticed her hair.. she had it down again [and I adore it like that..] but I didn't say anything, cause I thought she might think I'm still 'over heels' as it were for her.
Even though I wanted to talk to her I still felt a little awkward. But the end result I came to was that.. if I can't be with her the way I want, that doesn't mean I just want to cut her out completely.
It was just stupid smalltalk we had. Nothing big. I'm no good at even slightly-important discussions with people. I just wanted to see, as above, if I could deal.
So later I was in my math class, and we did nothing for the first half hour, so I was just making notes and having another thought train.
It wasn't such an upbeat train though. I started off where I usually do.
"You can only know yourself. Trust that person"
"You can't truly know anyone else. So how can we trust them?"
But we do of course need social interaction.. So does that = this?
"Necessary, but leaves us vulnerable."
So I suppose it makes it important to be able to read people [which I'm semi-okay at doing, if I'm not clouded by my own thoughts]
But... in that way.. because I can't trust anyone else, surely that leads me down a road where I can only ever trust myself, and have to be entirely independant and never consider asking for help?
Ah I don't know.. Either way though, we have to work our feelings out, with our own outlets. Mine are of course, making notes, thinking about it, and talking/sharing it to people [mainly you guys.]
*Shrugs*
I sent her a message a while ago.. Basically told her I guess I'd want to be friends. And that I didn't say anything earlier because I felt abit awkward.
Also asked if she could keep this whole thing between us. Somehow I imagine it won't be, but if I can at least get by without overhearing it from anyone then I'm happy. After all. Ignorance is bliss.
I just wish I knew the next steps..