Post by waterjag on Apr 17, 2007 12:19:06 GMT -5
Why is it ? No I don't want to know...Can it ever get that bad?
I suppose it can because it is...
All the miseries of the world seem to have befallen me, mostly disease, and if I am out of balance, then I feel like introducing everything else like poverty, and why not death even.
Pfff, I am sure that some who read this might think this isn't the person we know. But If I could point the finger at anything, yeah sure I would agree with everyone that it is my fault, it is the creators fault, it is this planets fault, it is humanities fault, it is the universes thought. Isn't it always someone elses fault?
To be fair enough, what with voices in my head and lights behind my closed eyes, it would make sense to seek some help, but when your parents say go look someplace yourself, and you want to go straight to the right people, there is always something holding you. Like the problems of the world weighing you down, and you cannot do anything apart from whine and rant like I am doing now. If I had money in my bank, I would go to see the professionals. Yeah right. Like I would go right this minute.
All the people that could be helping me, are just waiting for me to go to them, and while I wait, I find myself reading books on Kabbalah, reading books on Buddhism, thinking about the books that tell you the best way of living, books on Yoga and possibly books on Dianetics.
I feel diseased, perhaps...I also feel stupid, unintelligent, restricted. Isn't it awful to just be so trapped that you know how and why and you know what to do. It's just that I'll wait for tomorrow, and hopefully my sleep will take all the problems away.
Since when has sleep solved anything? Haven't I gone against myself with this attitude? Is it even my attitude? What am I?
I ought to work that one out for myself. But am I really bothered?
Am I a really an ebodiment of the love the universe has for us, the planet? OK. So what?
OK so what...WHat does what mean? Where has meaning gone?
Everything seems to be a re-recording over my previous existence, and like and like, and like, and like, and like, and like.
So much going on, and I am not aware of it. I do NEED balance.
All I find are books, and people saying to others I am not telling you what to say or do. Sometimes though, I get told to say or do this or that, and I do. It's not like I think I am harming anybody...
But if I ever take a look inside of myself, It becomes so dark, I have no idea of what I am looking at and I think, This is the way it is.
The way it is. OK. So what?
I suppose it can because it is...
All the miseries of the world seem to have befallen me, mostly disease, and if I am out of balance, then I feel like introducing everything else like poverty, and why not death even.
Pfff, I am sure that some who read this might think this isn't the person we know. But If I could point the finger at anything, yeah sure I would agree with everyone that it is my fault, it is the creators fault, it is this planets fault, it is humanities fault, it is the universes thought. Isn't it always someone elses fault?
To be fair enough, what with voices in my head and lights behind my closed eyes, it would make sense to seek some help, but when your parents say go look someplace yourself, and you want to go straight to the right people, there is always something holding you. Like the problems of the world weighing you down, and you cannot do anything apart from whine and rant like I am doing now. If I had money in my bank, I would go to see the professionals. Yeah right. Like I would go right this minute.
All the people that could be helping me, are just waiting for me to go to them, and while I wait, I find myself reading books on Kabbalah, reading books on Buddhism, thinking about the books that tell you the best way of living, books on Yoga and possibly books on Dianetics.
I feel diseased, perhaps...I also feel stupid, unintelligent, restricted. Isn't it awful to just be so trapped that you know how and why and you know what to do. It's just that I'll wait for tomorrow, and hopefully my sleep will take all the problems away.
Since when has sleep solved anything? Haven't I gone against myself with this attitude? Is it even my attitude? What am I?
I ought to work that one out for myself. But am I really bothered?
Am I a really an ebodiment of the love the universe has for us, the planet? OK. So what?
OK so what...WHat does what mean? Where has meaning gone?
Everything seems to be a re-recording over my previous existence, and like and like, and like, and like, and like, and like.
So much going on, and I am not aware of it. I do NEED balance.
All I find are books, and people saying to others I am not telling you what to say or do. Sometimes though, I get told to say or do this or that, and I do. It's not like I think I am harming anybody...
But if I ever take a look inside of myself, It becomes so dark, I have no idea of what I am looking at and I think, This is the way it is.
The way it is. OK. So what?