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Post by indigirl on Dec 31, 2005 20:34:45 GMT -5
I won't go in to very much detail right now, only for lack of time, but for the past month or so I feel like all my emotions are heightened SO much that words can't even describe it. It's like everything anybody does hits me so hard that I just retreat into myself to try and stop contemplating everything. I currently feel like sometimes I am just to emotional to last in this world. Could I be shifting to crystal? Probably not, crystals don't feel this much despair, do they? I don't know what I'm even asking. I think I'm just a mess. Also, I just feel that I have completely lost touch with my spirituality, and God as well. I honestly haven't felt God in life in a while. I realize this is probably my fault for subconsciously closing off, but I don't know how to fix it. I feel that I have become miserable, saying and doing things I don't want to say and don't mean. I've lost touch with myself and others around me. I don't mean to be so dramatic, but I am honestly at the end of my rope. This is incredibly embarrassing to say, but I have seriously contemplated suicide recently and I acknowledge that this is a real problem. This may not be the right place to dump this all out, but I really didn't know where else to go.
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Post by luz18 on Dec 31, 2005 23:01:25 GMT -5
I'm not a crystal, and I'm not that knowledgeable on the details of the shift.. but if you're going thorugh a rough time, take a time out... and *Please* don't hurt yourself. One of the best remedies of feeling disconnected with God is to go outside and spend time in nature. If it's not too cold, go to a park, and just meditate or pray. Mother Earth with help to cleanse the negative energy you have..... Have positive visualizations for yourself, and tell yourself it's just a rough phase, and that things are going to get better for you. Hope you feel better, sweetie....
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Post by radaeron on Jan 1, 2006 6:41:01 GMT -5
I can't help with your questions about crystals, I'm afraid. But I do want to help.
I think.. regardless of any trait or belief, everyone feels despair. Some more than others.. Remember that many others have felt this way, but you are strong enough to get through it.
On the side of God.. God has never been key to any part of me. Not explicitly anyway. I think the thing to try and remember here is that this higher power is always with you and will never leave.
While I don't know the entire situation.. I can only really say this.. You can never lose touch with yourself. You might think you have, but just consider what caused you to feel this way. You already know the answer, I think. If you can find the answer to that question, then you can find the way on how to solve it, and to stop feeling as bad as you do. I hope this has been of help.
Suicide takes a lot of strength and resolve to do. I feel if anyone is strong enough to actually attempt it, they are strong enough to solve whatever made them feel that way.
Please feel better.. I hope this has been of help. Just remember, no matter what words are exchanged, even if fists are exchanged!, there are ALWAYS people who love you and care about you.
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Post by djgirlcherise on Jan 1, 2006 14:47:15 GMT -5
Hello Beautiful Lady Indigirl,
Please, don't say you'd hurt yourself.
You should come over here and play more. You need to frolic over here with your feelings. We can dance together when you share your stories, and that is fun. What do you need from us, and what else can we do?
THIS DAY IS DEDICATED TO INDIGIRL & I PROMISE THAT TODAY I'M GOING TO PLAY AND LAUGH SO THAT SHE CAN TOO!
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Post by Shaelyn on Jan 2, 2006 2:17:50 GMT -5
...well...I don't know if you're shifting or not...I do know I went through a great time of despair before I shifted to Indigo in the first place.
...but...that sounds...different than your situation.
...it may just be...a time of hightened emotions. mine have been overly strong lately too...I've wanted to cry over the stupidest things...and movies, geez. I never used to cry over movies...lately, I can't help it.
...it's not a bad thing to be over-emotional...I'd much rather be that than emotionally detached.
...anyway...I've been concerned too...a part of me wants to be a psychologist, and I decided against it, because I'm too emotional...and what good is a psychologist who just sits there and cries with her patients? ...so I'm attempting to sing and songwrite--a career that makes use of my emotions.
anyway...have you tried meditating lately? that might help.
I send you love. feel free to come to me with details, if you'd like to.
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Post by Dimensional Leaf on Jan 2, 2006 10:59:57 GMT -5
I want to help you Indigirl. I know I hardly can say that I know you in this life, but from your writing I understand we are united, light invisible to anything not of it. I hope someone here have the experience to help you see the universe inside of you, and I hope with these words to give you some of my energy, for there are things worth staying for. We may not be of the earth, but are on it, not for nothing.
I have experienced three years of depression and I know what it's like. I also have thought of suicide during unbalance, because I was an instrument of hate towards myself.
But try to reach out for the genuiness in your heart, what was real and free when you were a child. And try to know that no action since then have made you less divine. It's all an illusion, you are you, and need only to remember. Did you know the birds are still singing, and the sun still likes the earth very much? And a miracle is this, a morning in yourself?
To tell you a secret, I know everyone here loves you.
PS. Dancing is fun.
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Post by Kivawolfspeaker on Jan 4, 2006 14:55:38 GMT -5
Indigirl,
AS others have said, *please don't hurt yourself*
I also am not quite sure you are shifting. You may be, you may not be. Only you know the answer to that question. You may being looking for re-assurance, but you do know the answer.
Do you feel changes in yourself that you are not quite comfortable about or are unsure of? Perhaps you've lost touch with who you think you are becuase you are changing? Do you need to accept a new you that is emerging? You can answer these questions here if you like or you can just answer them for yourself somewhere else.
Now that I think about it, I may have an experience of my own that could help you Indigirl.
It was about a year ago. I had discovered the Operation Terra website and messages the summer before that (2004). I had at the time resonated with the messages and asked to join the forum that fall. After giving the owner, my real name and address for what I thought was verification purposes, I was accepted. Around December 2004, I was going through some interesting times. I was taking a Personality Psychology class that fall and we were talking about Personality Disorders, and I didn't know it was normal for people studying these things to think they have them (it's called Medical Student Syndrom, I think). Well, anyways, I got booted because the owner thought I had "bad energy" and said I needed serious help. Well, I that scared that carp out of me. I cried the whole night and didn't get any sleep. Luckily, it was the weekend, and I didn't have any tests that week(it was the week before finals). I almost did call the counseling office after that email. However, I called a friend who comforted me the next day and got much better sleep the following night.
Even in all the crying, doubting, and trying to go to sleep, I did not *once* think of suicide.
I hope this helps and even if it doesn't, I send you love.
Love All Ways,
Jen
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Post by Shaelyn on Jan 5, 2006 2:24:00 GMT -5
indigirl...
if you would, post when you get the chance. I'm concerned about you...I'd like to know that you're alright, or not alright, or something.
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Post by indigirl on Jan 5, 2006 14:20:53 GMT -5
Hi everyone!
Thank you so much for your posts, it was so wonderful to read them today.
Everyone made some very good points, and it definetly made me realize one thing in particular: I don't have the strength it takes to do something so final as what I'd been thinking about, and that's probably a good thing.
I think I am at a weird point where I am letting everything get to me more than usual. From things people say to me that I take the wrong way, to discussions that send my mind wandering to places that it shouldn't stay for long. Many of my friend in L.A. are very into existentialism, and we have many conversations about it, and to be truthful the thought of it scares me to death, because I don't like thinking that life may be pointless, and it makes me question myself. I've never been someone before who felt they needed proof of something to know that it was there, and I don't like turning into that. I really should meditate and I'd love to find an isolated piece of nature somewhere that I can sit and think.
It seriously helps so much to feel that everyone on this forum cares, thank you!
*And Jen, your story did help give some perspective, thank you for sharing it.*
*And Cherise, thank you for dancing for me! I felt your warmth as soon as I read your post.*
*Luz, Rad, Leaf and Shaelyn, thank you for reaching out to me- And thank you Shaelyn for checking back on me*
I will keep posting more from now on, I'll be back!
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Post by indigirl on Jan 6, 2006 0:56:47 GMT -5
I'm going to the beach tomorrow night, and I'm really excited. It's my best friend's birthday, so there will be a bunch of other people there, but I figure I'll find some alone time, just lie down and look up, see what I feel.
I'll write about it tomorrow night!
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Post by Shaelyn on Jan 6, 2006 13:46:09 GMT -5
^_^
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Post by Kivawolfspeaker on Jan 6, 2006 22:32:04 GMT -5
Indigirl,
I'm glad I could help you and I hope you feel better in the coming days.
Jen
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Post by indigirl on Jan 9, 2006 22:05:07 GMT -5
Thank you everyone!
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Post by nimue on Jan 9, 2006 22:10:10 GMT -5
Good luck with your shift, Indigirl.
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Post by muirrin on Feb 6, 2006 8:22:22 GMT -5
I'm not usually one to resurrect such old threads, but I was just wondering how you're going now, Indigirl
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Post by indigirl on Feb 25, 2006 23:12:50 GMT -5
Thanks for asking muirrin! I have my moments similiar to during the first post in this thread, but things are getting better. I have some good things to focus on right now
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Post by muirrin on Feb 28, 2006 18:28:36 GMT -5
Well then hopefully the good things keep on coming, because there is nothing better to take your mind off things than by being consumed by positivity. ... obviously *rolls eyes*... I should just delete that but sometimes I know I need reminding when I'm on one of my downers
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Post by indigirl on Mar 5, 2006 16:38:32 GMT -5
Lol, no you don't need to delete it, I know you meant it, and thanks!
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