Post by Laurel Chaisson on May 22, 2005 13:19:18 GMT -5
Kids Just Like You
by Skye Thomas
by Skye Thomas
Today, I cursed my children. I did what mothers have been doing since the beginning of time. Did Eve say it to her boys? “When you grow up, I hope you have a kid just like you!” My stepmother said it to me and at the time I thought she was being silly. After all, what could be more delightful then raising kids just like me? I was a smart, well behaved, polite child. It was my siblings who were bad. I was a perfect child, or so I thought. As the years passed I became quite the teenage rebel. I just didn’t get caught as much as my sister and brother did. But that doesn’t mean that I was following the rules. Looking back, I would kill my kids if they did some of the things I did!
I had always assumed that the reason my children were turning out so much like me was because I am the one who raised them. I had assumed that my teachings, my passions, my belief systems, my personality, and my overall approach to life could easily explain why all three of my kids are very much like me. Even the fact that they are all like me in different ways seems logical to me if I go with the idea that as each child tries to carve out their own niche in our family they would pick different aspects of me to emulate.
But here’s a weird piece. When I was in elementary school, I decided that I wanted to be a doctor when I grew up so that I could cure cancer. I forgot all about that until years later when my son told me he felt that his life calling is to cure cancer and my daughter chimes into the conversation by claiming that her calling is to be a doctor. They agree together that he’ll find the cure and she’ll implement it. I didn’t tell them for a few years that I had always wanted to do both. Is there a Joan of Arc Complex gene to be found in our DNA?
I find it fascinating that my oldest boy shows personality traits of his father even though he hasn’t seen him since he was six weeks old. Who would think you could inherit the kamikaze daredevil stuntman gene? Have they isolated that piece of DNA yet? I can understand inheriting his dad’s overall body type and even his dad’s energy level. His dad may have had Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and it doesn’t surprise me that my son was tested for it. But what about the deep need to push one’s self through extreme sports? How can that be genetic? I can understand they’re both natural athletes, but it’s their similar need to climb high buildings and their similar love of jumping off of things and catching air that is somewhat eerie to me. I sort of understand them, just not how they turned out so much alike without knowing each other.
Don’t get me wrong, my oldest boy is an amazing and beautiful blend of everything that was good and perfect about us as a couple and as individuals. He’s also got our biggest flaws, too. Somehow, the combo is just like me… and just like his dad… and uniquely individual, too. My son enables me to better understand his dad, and to better understand myself. In teaching him how to overcome his own personal challenges, I have to touch upon my own. What did I do at that age? What worked and what didn’t?
I am reminded of research done on twins separated at birth. They find them as adults and compare their life choices, lifestyles, personalities, everything. They find that the twins are often in the same types of careers, the same types of marriages, the same lifestyles, etc. It raises a lot of questions about what has more impact on who we become: the study is a Nature versus Nurture debate. You would think that who raises the child and how they go about raising them would have a bigger impact then genetics, but apparently there’s some room for serious debate.
My own situation was such that I didn’t know anything at all about my biological mother until I was a teenager. It was such an eye opener to meet the other half of my genetics. So that’s where my eye and hair color come from. Had I known how much I am like my biological mother I might have understood why my stepmother disliked me so much. I used to wonder what kind of person I would have been if I’d been raised by my mother instead of my father. I think the journey would have been different, but I’m pretty sure I’d have ended up right here, just as I am. Perhaps part of fate and destiny is genetics?
This all leads me full circle to cursing my own kids. I have a certain level of confidence that they will indeed have children just like themselves! Hah! I think that on some level they should seriously consider who they choose as spouses, too. Think about it, your husband or wife’s mother wished it on them, too… which means that when you have children with someone, you’re obligating yourself not only to your own mother’s curse but also to their mother’s curse!
I don’t know that it would matter if my real mother or my step mother had raised me. Either way someone was going to make that curse and I was going to end up with these kids that are just like me! I’m so blessed to have been so cursed! I bless you with the curse of your own children who will be just like you! May you see the beauty of who you are in your own child’s eyes! May your child teach you to love yourself, flaws and all, just like you did for me.
© Copyright 2004, Skye Thomas, Tomorrow’s Edge
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