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Post by thecrystalmaiden on Sept 3, 2005 2:25:12 GMT -5
I'm not sure where to stick this... so I guess this catagory will do. =)
My friends used to get on my case because they thought I was too nice to the people who didn't "deserve" my niceness... you know, people who may have been stuck up or selfish or just not liked by many. Also when people are rude to me, I find it very hard to actually be rude back to them - I can't say that I let people walk all over me, but I've never in my life been purposefully mean to someone, even when they were mean to me first.
Is this an emotional problem with me? Like is it that I'm so paranoid about having everyone like me that I don't want to hurt them, or is that just another trait of being higher vibrational? No matter how bad anyone has made me feel, I never got the urge to strike back, but I find that this is kinda abnormal behavior compared to many other people. Is it healthy to not care when someone insults you and try to make them happy anyway even when they technically don't "deserve" it?
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Post by Uriah on Sept 3, 2005 10:21:04 GMT -5
It sounds to me that you know how people should act and you live it. Compared to most other people you are odd but you are living the way you believe is right. You set an example for others around you whom may be looking up to you or admiring you for how you handle yourself. Gandhi had a legion of followers because the way he handled himself and the situation in India eventhough what he did had never been done before.
I think it completely healthy and muchly needed. Not enough people behave how they want to or how they want others to treat them. Most people desire peace and you seem to be living it! It is not an emotional problem. I myself have often been nice to people that didn't "deserve" it. When you look at it like this: "The problems which we face today cannot be solved at the same level of thinking which created them"(Einstein), you should feel that you are on the right path.
I thought I was parnoid and just wanted everyone to like me like you said. I realized a while ago that I am who I am and the way I act brings more harmonious environments for me. Perhaps it's not the best way or only way but it has been my way. Unlike you Theresa, I have gotten the urge to fight back verbally and have done it. Whenever I do I don't feel good about myself. I can feel the pain I've caused to that person and it hurts me too.
Feels like I wrote alot so I'll leave it at that.
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Post by Kivawolfspeaker on Sept 3, 2005 12:14:59 GMT -5
Theresa,
I think from a modern Psychology perspective, they would be more included to see it as a problem, but it sounds to me as Uriah said that you are not afraid to live the way you see that people should live.
Kiva
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Post by Shaelyn on Sept 8, 2005 21:13:10 GMT -5
Is this an emotional problem with me? Like is it that I'm so paranoid about having everyone like me that I don't want to hurt them, or is that just another trait of being higher vibrational? That depends...are you really paranoid about having everyone like you? It's definately a higher-vibrational trait, as you can see the good in everybody--whether or not they're being good to you at that moment...that, and you more and more heed the golden rule...I've been doing it more and more...but just because you are higher-vibrational, doesn't mean that you aren't affected by wanting everyone to like you either. ...It just depends upon you. I'm sure you can figure that out for yourself...but I don't think any one of us can "diagnose" you without more info, at least...(note: that's not to say the two above me were wrong, they might be able to read you better than I can.) Meanwhile...with the right intentions, it's not a problem. Getting everyone to like you sounds like a symptom of a bigger problem...and if that is the case, seek help, please! ...but on the other hand...since people may be judging you that way, you might have started to think that's why you're doing it too...when that's not it at all. Deep down, you know the answers though.
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Post by cherise on Sept 8, 2005 22:10:09 GMT -5
Hi Crystal Maiden,
I just wanted to throw in my 2 cents, and say that what you may be experiencing is your innate feminity. At 16, your body is preparing for childbirth. The feminine quality is to say "yes". We end up saying yes to a lot of moments, even though we know they aren't fundamentally nurturing. As you get older, it will become easier to say "no". I'm always re-learning this. I don't want to take on other's energy, in any form, unless it's okay in my heart. However, it's easy to get stuck in the centre.
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Post by ne ws oci e ty on Sept 8, 2005 23:06:25 GMT -5
CM, I think you are just doing the right thing, here particularly something that is so hard for most people.
The more I go on, the more I realize that it is not for me to distribute peoples' bad actions back to them.
You are doing the right thing. Love and understanding will always make things better than wrath and vengeance.
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Post by muirrin on Jan 14, 2006 10:21:07 GMT -5
This sounds like me, too... my friends don't necessarily say that I'm "too nice", but they'll comment on how I should say no to people, and will remind me that I shouldn't let people walk all over me. While sometimes I think I can be a doormat, I just tend to be a more peaceful person - I'd much rather everyone just love each other *rolls eyes* However, if people get me really fired up then I will yell. Arguments with my mother really get me down, we do it too much for my liking and usually I'll end up crying after them. She thinks there's something wrong with me, and I thought there was something wrong too until I realised that I was just picking up on her distress and adding it to my own. If you ask me, it's perfectly normal when you're more peaceful, because it lies in your personality. If you're insecure and crave the acceptance of everybody, however, then it's not that healthy and you should try to deal with that. I have a feeling it's the former, though, and it's nice to see I'm not as alone as I thought I was
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Post by liquidchild on May 6, 2006 3:47:49 GMT -5
I dont beleive there is a simple answer to the higher-vibrational trait of beeing overly nice. I feel this way because there may be a need for that aspect of personality to be present during the interaction between people. For example, if in one encounter you dont "fight fire with fire" or you dont "be cruel to be kind", that may not be simple as beeing hesitant to bring divine intervention. What happens if that person requires you to be overly nice or tolerant, so that subconsciously they register that event as beeing rather odd, then learn from it at a later/deeper level.
There are alot of different cultures and customs in social interactions, and I guess its common knowledge that some people get used as doormats, sometimes they may encourage that on themselves also. I think that there is however, sometimes the need to be submissive, or over tolerant in some interactions or friendships.
It can be encouraging, for example if that other person is in need of help. Many people hesitate to seek help, and a person who has someone more submissive in their friendship circle may be able to imagine help is not so far away. In that light it may be more appropriate to be submissive in that particular interaction.
hmmz
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Post by thecrystalmaiden on May 22, 2006 12:30:42 GMT -5
You've all shared some really interesting thoughts in the post. As to what Brendan said, I totally agree that the society we're raised in and the interactions we have all call for different responses, and sometimes the submissive role can be necessary. However, I wouldn't exactly call what I'm acting "submissive" as much as I try to retain harmony with the people around me. When the harmony between myself and other people is upset, it has very powerful effects on me, as I'm sure it effects most people, and causes me guilt to the extreme that I can't stand being rude when someone else is mistreating me. Sure, I'll drop the issue and walk away, I'll kick the person out of my life, I'll cut ties, but if someone insults me I find it extremely hard to say anything mean back to them.
I think it's because most of my life I've felt that if someone is mean to me, if I behave the same way back then it means I'm no better than they are. Of course, at this point some voice inside of me always asks "Why am I comparing myself to some asshole trying to figure out if I'm better or worse?" because of course if I know I'm a good person, then how I respond shouldn't matter - but then on the other hand, how did assholes become assholes? By responding in the identical way of how some asshole treated them until it became their mode of behavior.
I'm finding as I get older that I'm meeting all kinds of people - people like me who are nonconfrontational and always seeking harmony, people who try to act tough by being assholes, and then a few gems of people who seek harmony but know how to stand their ground in a courageous yet civil way. This is the way I want to learn to be some day - not just a peacemaker, but a diplomat, if that makes any sense.
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Post by muirrin on May 23, 2006 5:22:44 GMT -5
I know exactly how you feel, CM, and you've put it into better words than I could ever hope to. You're not alone in that desire, at all.
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