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Post by thecrystalmaiden on Sept 9, 2005 12:52:55 GMT -5
A lot of huge changes have been happening in my life, and I think I'm having some trouble letting go of someone who was very close to me.
It seems as though I've kinda lost the point of going on, I can't meditate for long and whenever I do I start hearing all of these messages like I've neglected a voice mail box or something and now it's time for me to hear what everyone was trying to say. I don't know if that makes sense. I can't center myself, I feel so off balance of late, my energy is low and I'm preoccupied, worried, troubled, hanging back from exploring the emotions that lurk deep inside of me. I hold back because I know how much it's going to hurt once I start digging around - but I feel like I should keep digging until it doesn't hurt anymore to dig... u know? Or maybe I should wait until it's not a fresh wound?
I feel overwhelmed by people. Any people. The moment someone comes near me I just can't stand the idea of talking to them, trying to pretend like I'm interested in making conversation when all I want to do is be alone. Is it natural to want to be alone so much? I doubt my decisions, I doubt my life and my set course, I wonder if I have the skills to accomplish what I set out to do.
No one knows what to say to make me feel better (except for one person I guess, but he's not here in real life), it seems like no on knows how to relate or exactly how to deal with it. How does one deal with love that still exists yet has nowhere to go?
I guess this is a cry for comfort and advice. How do I deal with this?
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Post by Shaelyn on Sept 9, 2005 13:44:00 GMT -5
I feel overwhelmed by people. Any people. The moment someone comes near me I just can't stand the idea of talking to them, trying to pretend like I'm interested in making conversation when all I want to do is be alone. Is it natural to want to be alone so much? I doubt my decisions, I doubt my life and my set course, I wonder if I have the skills to accomplish what I set out to do. ...well, I think it's natural for nearly everyone to go through that at some point...it's a part of life. But that's kind of beside the point, isn't it. I'm sorry...and I feel for ya...but all the empathy in the world isn't going to help you feel much better, I know. ...With everyone it's different. Personally...I'll say that I reached such a low in my own life, that I was scared to get out of it. It kinda got to a point where my quote was, "oh crap, you're gonna try to cheer me up, aren't you." ...in a way, I kind of used the pain I had gone through for years...as an attention-getter, as an excuse, as something to blame my problems on...etc. That was my own way of dealing with the pain. I don't think you really want to get to that point. I wouldn't recommend that for anyone...looking back on it...that was awful. ...You said you're having trouble letting go of someone... The answer is right there in front of you...but the only one who can do this is you. I can understand...I can relate...but in order to heal a wound, first you have to face it. You've gotta look at it, at all its ugliness, and then pour the peroxide over it...and yes it's going to hurt. It's not going to be easy by any stretch of the imagination. The timing of all this is your choice...but remember that the sooner you start to heal, the sooner your life can begin to return some sense of normalcy. Whatever you do...just don't let this slide without addressing the issue at some point. I know firsthand how that can lead to bigger problems later on down the road. ...I don't think I can really help you any more than that without more info. ~hugs~ I'm here for you if you need me.
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Post by jeremy on Sept 10, 2005 3:18:54 GMT -5
Theresa, you have my shoulder to cry on, even if only figuratively speaking since my actual shoulder is in New Zealand. I'm sure your love will find a place to go. Anyway, just because you had to let go of someone doesn't mean you have to stop loving them. Well, I guess I'm always kind of un-wordy when it comes to the whole comforting thing, I suppose it's the thought that counts and well I do think of you. Remember, even if I can't make it to the computer to talk to you I can always spare you some energy, just call me with your mind I seem to be getting ok at feeling that. xo Jeremy
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Post by indigophoenix on Sept 10, 2005 5:00:00 GMT -5
So are we feelin' better today Ms. Maiden?
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Post by cherise on Sept 10, 2005 13:21:35 GMT -5
Hi Crystal Maiden,
Potentially, these feelings will re-occur throughout your life. Everyone experiences it, over and over. We have so many choices, we easily get confused as to what is right. But, it's totally up to you, at all moments, in all directions. You are never alone in how you feel.
I think it's cultural, too. In North America, we live as a throw-away society. If we don't like something, we go and buy a new one. Everything is about instant gratification. If we're not experiencing it how we want it, and when we want it, we start to doubt.
Even though you could be alone physically, there are surely memories, thoughts, ideas, feelings, fantasies, prayers, and scenarios swirling your thoughts. Ultimately, we are only alone in birth. After that, there are always spirits around, even when we're by ourselves.
My advice is to embrace these feelings. Absorb it all, goes as deep as you can. Come out the other side for the opposite, and you'll experience positivity and certainty in equal parts to your doubt. It's the only way to survive the depths.
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Post by thecrystalmaiden on Sept 12, 2005 12:40:14 GMT -5
Shaelyn - thank you so much for the advice and I know that mentality you speak of, feeling so down that you dread even trying to be made happy. I'm glad I've learned somewhat how to stop myself from reaching that point, and hearing you say everything you did is very comforting. Sometimes a person just needs to hear it, u know? Anyway, you've made me feel so much better and it's good to know that people can relate, sometimes I feel so alone. Jeremy - thank you so much for the shoulder! I've been very on-and-off lately so I'm sorry if I've done anything to make you feel under appreciated, sometimes I just feel so bad that I don't care about anything else, u know? But it's never a personal thing, just a "me needing to get past this" thing. I'm so thankful to have met you and I hope we can talk soon. Pheonix - why yes, now that you mention it, hehe. Cherise - everything you said was sooo right you have no idea how much it made sense to me. I never thought about our culture that way but now that you mention it, that's exactly how it is, and it's horrible because it makes not having what you want so much harder. But you know what? You're completely right and I have so many memories and wishes to keep me company along with the people around me - sometimes I just get caught up concentrating too much on what I personally want rather than what I'm so lucky to have been given. Thank you for the great advcie. =) *hugz* Whew, think that addressed everyone so far, thanks guys I'm feeling much better! This past week has been hard but I think I'm beginning to recover. ^_^
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Post by cherise on Sept 12, 2005 12:58:41 GMT -5
Hi Crystal Maiden,
The next time I feel alone in the depths, I'll be comforted knowing a positive exchange exists here, and I'm able to be a part of it. It's like, I will say to myself, well how would a gentle person like Gemma respond, or a candid and wise Crystal Maiden respond. We're in each other's movies now, and some of my favorite people here are superheros.
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Post by Shaelyn on Sept 12, 2005 23:21:55 GMT -5
I think it's cultural, too. In North America, we live as a throw-away society. If we don't like something, we go and buy a new one. Everything is about instant gratification. If we're not experiencing it how we want it, and when we want it, we start to doubt. My friends and I call it a "Microwave Society." We have to have what we want now. Similar principle--instant gratification. CM, I'm glad I could help...and I'm glad you're feeling better I hope you've found the answers you were looking for. cherise--that last line was wonderful...I might have to write a song centered around that thought.
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